Time to Reset

So, the culmination of my stressful year is coming to an end. I am strongly hoping the door will not open to a new series of stressful events, however things are looking about 50/50. I won't go into the details on what might or might not happen. I am aware of the future possibilities, because it would be ignorant not to acknowledge them, however I intend to keep my focus on the positive possibilities, with a close eye on any potential kinks in the plan to head off any downward spirals.

Here are the positives, my husband is returning from Afghanistan next month! It has been a difficult year, but I've somehow managed to get through it. I have been asked to help found a new non-profit organization. While this will not be a paying job, I don't care. It is for an amazingly great cause and the experience will be more valuable than any paid job I could find. I will get to employ my research skills as well as learn some more management techniques. The home base is halfway across the country, but I'm hoping to make a road trip and meet the families the organization helps in the future. I know we can make this a great thing, I have complete faith in all of the wonderful women in this with me. Also, in terms of money, since I'll need something to help out in the wallet, I've started selling Pure Romance, and so far it's going well. My name is getting out there, and I have a few tricks up my sleeve to market more. I think things are going to be going well for me here in the next few months!

Now for a little spiritual spin, I need to refocus. I always say that, but right now I really want to. One thing I really need to do is concentrate on myself. Figure out who I am deep down, and I want to find a matron/patron deity that speaks to me. I've always focused on the Lord and Lady, with no specific name, however I can tell, lately, that it is time to find a more specific connection. The Lord and Lady will always be a part of my life, however this distinction is getting into a whole different post that I will tackle at a later time.

I'm looking forward for my husband to come home, not just to see him, because I miss him like crazy, but because he acknowledges I need some time away from everything. He knows I need a vacation, even if that means, me lounging in bed all day without any worries of the house. Just time to do what I want, when I want...and a lot of that time is going to be spent in reflection of myself, spiritually, physically and emotionally.

Tossing the Stress Aside: Visualization

I was thinking as I wrote my last post that I need some type of visualization that I can quickly do to help remind me to refocus and this is what I came up with. I actually think this has been done many times over, but I find it appropriate here and the image is just sticking in my head, so here we go.

When stressed and you literally feel like the weight and energy of the stress is weighing down on your shoulders until you look somewhat like Atlas carrying the Earth on his back, it may be time to refocus that energy. While this visualization is not the end, and doing it only once probably won't be enough, it is something quick to do to bring you back to a more positive, and self based perspective.

First of all, visualize that stress as a huge boulder on your back, it is so heavy, no wonder your back hurts and your neck and shoulders are tight. You've probably been carrying this for awhile and it's time to get rid of it. Close your eyes and visualize yourself bending your knees a bit with a good stance with feet a little more than shoulder width apart. Visualize taking your hands and getting them to fit under that boulder on your shoulders. Next spring up from the bent knees and use that momentum to help you use your hands and arms to propel that boulder off your shoulders and back to the mountain side where it belongs. Once you've done that, take a quick look at the mountain you threw that boulder back to. It wasn't so big after all, actually, you can easily see over the top of it! Now that you've done this once, you'll be able to do it again, and hopefully it will get easier to throw that boulder to the side each time you need it.

I can see a lot being done with this imagry, so I'll work on it. If I come up with any additions to it, or meditations I'll let you know. But I can already tell you that my back feels somewhat better after doing this, and I do have that feeling of a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I hope this works for you, if not, tweak it or move on to something else. If you have ideas for additions to this or variations, I'd love to hear them, just leave them in the comments!

Bright Blessings,
~Ava

Take a Deep Breath...Now Refocus That Energy!

For those of you who know me personally, you know I'm working towards a Masters degree in Psychology. If you know this, you probably also know I am a stay at home mom, I am the spouse of a currently deployed soldier and I am at wits end with my Statistics "professor." All of these things equal out to STRESS!! I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one with stress, or that I'm the only one in my type of situation with stress, or that there isn't some one (many someone's) out there with more stress than me...I know all of these things are true. However, knowing they are true for other people does not reduce the fact that my stress is there for me and it is my responsibility to diffuse it somehow. Ah, the old self responsibility value, going strong here, maybe a little too strong as I try to take responsibility for everything imaginable that comes to me, lol.

This past week has been a nightmare, not the worst nightmare I've ever had, but enough to catch me with a short fuse, and unfortunately those in closest proximity get the worst of the explosion (I can't apoligize to my children enough! We've talked about how wrong Mommy has been for the way she has acted and I vowed to find a new way to express my frustration; a lesson I talk with my children a lot about when it comes to tantrums...I throw big ones too). So, here's the deal, with the high level of stress, it makes the small things seem to be mountains, and the only thing I'm hearing is "you can't do this!!" However, that's my voice and no one else's, in fact, everyone else is screaming with confidence "YOU CAN DO THIS!!!" Goes to show you how easy it is to hear things when they are close, this is another reason why self responsibility is so important! The more I've told myself "I can't" the more I've believed myself and the more down I've gotten. The more down I've gotten, the more the stress builds (all that pressure coming down on my shoulders), the more the stress builds the more I find things wrong in every situation, and the more I find things wrong in every situation the more negative I get...and you see where this horrible cycle is going.

How on earth am I going to get myself out of this cycle!! Well for starters, let's see what I can do about stress. Is there anything I can remove from my life? *looks around room, checks day planner, mental inventory of activities* No, nothing I can remove. Since I can't remove anything I need to do something about organizing and managing it better. If anything I need to add more things to my planner. What's that you say? Am I crazy? An already full planner causing immense amounts of stress and you want to add things! Yep. I guess I am crazy. I never denied that, however, I promise you, what I'm going to add will actually save me time and sanity. What I need to add is a little something people refer to as "me time." Yep, you heard me right. I need to squeeze some time in every day to do what I want to do. This me time cannot include Facebook or pointless games. I suppose blogging will be okay, but it can't be about anything but something I WANT to write about, and it can't be negative (which I try not to be). Once I add in some me time, I should find that I am happier and more productive. This will be a huge stress reliever. Both because it will give me a chance to relax and also because it will make me more productive, which means getting more of the clutter cleared out (mental, emotional and physical).

In other words, I need to refocus my energy on the positive and not the negative. Here is one way I am doing that. Remember that Statistics professor I mentioned? He hasn't been a good teacher, and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe, just maybe something is going on in his life causing this. So, rather than my perception of him get me down and let it affect me, I'm going to do the best I can with what I have. Therefore, I'm going to work my butt off and still get an A in the class, even if he doesn't help me out with it! Now, this plan is a little late since I'm on finals week for the class, but it's a lesson learned. Refocus the energy from a negative to a positive. I built up so much energy worried about what he was going to do, that I failed to put just as much or more energy into what I was actually doing. This is how people and situations can consume you if you let them. Take control of your life and don't let other people lead you around by the ear. You are responsible for you. I'll be practicing refocusing my energy, I hope you'll give it a try too if you need it.

Brightest Blessings,
~Ava

Family Values

One thing I agree with whole-heartedly is the separation of church and state. One thing I disagree with whole-heartedly is separation of "church" and family. Before anyone gets up in arms and chastises me for alienating people who are not religious, who are Athiest or who have made the personal choice to not introduce their children to religion until they are older; I'm not against any of those things. They are all personal choices, and I respect them all, and frankly, they all can fit nicely into what I am about to say. In actuality, we have made the decision to expose our children to as many different religious paths as possible so they can learn to explore other cultures and choose the faith that best suits them, but now I'm getting away from my point.

Let me clarify my very brief statement above. When I say I disagree with separation of church and family, I mean that in my personal faith, not yours or anyone else's, my religion and my spirituality are a part of my everyday life, all day long, everyday. Through the day I make sure my actions match the spiritual teachings of my faith, and if it comes down to me "acting" or doing the opposite of my teachings, then I explore the reasons why I am not fully embracing the spiritual lesson. Because I practice my faith in everything I do, meaning it is a lifestyle, my family is involved, both directly and indirectly. As a stay at home mom, how can my faith and religion not touch my family, my children? They are with me almost 24/7, we plan to homeschool and keep me home with the kids as long as possible. If I were to separate these two portions of my life I would be neglecting one or the other. Both are important, and both can be lived together.

Being involved in my family is a strong value of mine. It is important for me to instill good morals and values in my children, and those morals and values include teaching them to question the norm, explore the world and often, as much as I hate to admit it, disagreeing with me and forming their own opinions and choices. If I am not practicing my faith daily, I am not fully experiencing my lifestyle choice. I don't know if all Pagans embrace this value, or even all people. I'm sure there are other critiques of this point of view, but it works for me. I look at the past, the cultures and our ancestors who lived before us and I can see how spirituality and myth was incorporated into so many details of the day. I am inspired by the past, and I find no reason to shield my children from anything spiritual. It will enhance their life by being aware of the many teachings of the world, and I only find good in that.

My family is important to me, my spirituality and religion are important to me. There is no reason why I need to separate them, and I full embrace taking these two separate circles of my life and converging them into one. Sort of like a marriage of sorts.

Bright Blessings,
~Ava

Grounding and Centering Meditation

Last night I was alone in the physical for my healing circle for my friend, but I know I was not alone in spirit. I know there are many people praying for her and I will continue to offer my home on Saturday nights for anyone who wants to come share in the prayers with me.

Last night I did a simple chakra grounding and centering meditation that I adapted to my own needs from Robin Wood's website. I enjoy her visual of utilizing the notes on the scale to achieve my centering when it is just me, for the group I would much rather do something a bit less musical because my voice does not quite have the best pitch any more and I would rather people be at peace when centering then tensing up and cringing at my off key renditions of the scale! Once I find a good scale that I can use, either on a tuned piano (which mine is needing very much!) or even a good online format that moves slow enough to match what I need, then I will incorporate the music more. For now, I eliminated that part and substituted lighting of candles corresponding to the chakra colors.

As I sat and meditated, I found this to be very powerful and I was able to feel the energy flowing strong and free. After awhile I picked up my Earth meditation beads and said some short quick prayers on each as I moved through them.

I was happy with the way this meditation turned out and I am excited to do it again. I am also happy to have found a new method of centering, which seems to be much more effective than my previous methods.

Bright Blessings!
~Ava

The Wiccan Rede and Values

I posted a while ago that I no longer identify as a Wiccan. There is no problem with the religion or beliefs of the Wiccan faith, it's just that my personal beliefs have evolved to something a bit different that doesn't exactly fit into the realms of Wicca anymore. One thing that I haven't lost though, is my love for the ethic of the Wiccan Rede. An it harm none, do as thou will. I don't want to get into an analysis of this phrase, so if you are interested in more information (please see John Coughlin's wonderful analysis of this ethic).

That brings me to my first point, the Rede is an ethic, is it really a value of mine? An ethic, simply put, is a moral, a view of what is right or wrong. A value, on the other hand, is something we put worth to, not necessarily monetary or material worth, but a personal worth in spirit and in life, some weighted more heavily important than others. Therefore, it is within my interpretation of the Rede (an ethic) that I find many of my own personal values.

One of the more important values I find in the Rede is that of self-responsibility. This is something I am teaching my kids early on; that we must be responsible for our own actions. If we are not responsible for them, who will be? The Rede points this out when it tells us to think about if what we are going to do will harm anyone. If we have fully thought about all of the possible consequences of our actions and determined it will not harm anyone (ourselves included), then we are free to do it. However, if we find something is important to do, but it will harm someone in someway, then the guidelines of the Rede stop here. At this point we need to take responsibility to explore other ethics and laws to determine if proceeding is still the best thing to do and if we are willing to live with the consequences of our actions which may be harm to ourselves or others. This is where things get sticky, and again, I'm not here to discuss the in's and outs of the Rede. So, I will leave the discussion here and say, this is why taking self responsibility in our actions is so important. Everything we do can effect someone, somewhere that we may not even know. If someone is hurt as a result of our actions, we need to do what we can to make it right. No one else should be expected to fix our wrongs.

Another value is consideration for other people and things. This flows right from the previous point of self responsibility. Not only should we be responsible for our own actions and take into consideration how our action will affect another, but we should also take into consideration how our inaction may affect someone. I sometimes think I'm too considerate. Because of this exaggerated consideration for others I often ask too many questions to make sure other people affected by my choices are not offended and okay with the choices I'm making. Some considerations are of more importance than others, but I still hold consideration of others feelings and needs very highly, and sometimes above my own feelings and needs (which is something I need to work on in finding balance). While the Rede doesn't flat out mention inaction, I like to think it hints at it, because if we choose not to act, that is still the act of not choosing, which may harm someone.

Taking care in the actions we take part of is a value I find in the Rede. Again, this value flows directly from the previous points. If we do decide to do something we are taking responsibility for the consequences and we are considering how it will affect other people, but we shouldn't stop there. We should also take care to do things correctly. A long time ago I had the chance to learn a bit of Eastern Psychology under a Zen Buddhist monk. I remember his demeanor was interesting because he had a strong adherence to rules and expectations with little room for error, yet he taught how to take care and pay attention to everything that was done to make sure it was done with the most attention possible. If an action was important enough to do, it should be done with care. This is a great message. It makes me think of all the projects I got tired of and either quit or half assed until they were finished. Were they really that important to me? I'm guessing not or I would have taken care to do them to the best of my abilities. When we take care in the actions we do, we are showing respect and appreciation, in addition to responsibility and consideration. I think this is very important, and it really does help me to step back and reassess what is important in my life.

I also see the value freedom within limits held in the Rede, as hinted at above. Now the first thing I want to address is it seems like I am placing a boundary on the freedoms everyone asserts they have, however, everything we do is freedom within limits. We set limits by the laws we obey, the rules we follow, the social norms we practice, and the ethics we adhere to. I accept this value as higher on my value continuum for the simple fact that if everyone had freedom to do everything they wanted without limits, chaos would very quickly take over. Not to mention someone else's freedom would start infringing on another person's freedom and I'm quite sure the end result would not be pretty. Even within limits we find much arguing over who is right and who should be allowed to do what. Sadly I see a lot of "his leg is on my side of the car!" type bickering among people, communities and cultures.

While I appreciate these limits to freedom to an extent, I also recognize that we are all human, humans are not perfect, therefore the limits that we have created are not always perfect. The experiences we have in life often dictate what we find important or of value, and sometimes through life we find out the things that others find valuable and learn to embrace those too. With this thought, our values either change or evolve, and we have the ability to change our laws, rules, social norms and morals to match.

There are so many things the Wiccan Rede gives me. Not only is it an ethic I can follow, but it also shares with me the importance of so many values that I hold near and dear to my heart. Just in the few values I briefly touched on in this post I can see how our values overlap and connect to each other. Often more than one value is held within a concept, and many times one leads to another. In the next month, and probably longer, I'm going to explore some of the other ethics I follow, Pagan or just cultural. I'm going to study them to see if there are any other values contained within their words and teachings. I look forward to the lessons I will learn (education, something else I place high value on).

Bright Blessings
~Ava

Lemon, Mint, Lavender Healing Water

Use intuition for the measurements, you'll know what works best for your intent.

Ingredients:

Fresh lemon slices
Fresh mint leaves (on stems or not, doesn't matter)
Dried Lavender flowers
Pot of water
Mason Jar with Lid

Procedure:

The best way to enhance this water is to say prayers or chants that are meaningful to your purpose while you work, you can cast a circle if you wish. Fill a stove top pan with water and add the lemon, mint and lavender and boil until there is a nice fragrance coming from the water and the water begins to take on a pinkish color. I used a slotted spoon to scoop out the larger herbs, then I used a coffee filter to strain the rest. This worked great because the lavender won't get through, but watch out for the filter to break on you. This happened to me.

To use, add the water to a bath and meditate on it's intentions. If you are not using the water right away, store it in the refrigerator for no more than 3 to 5 days.

Properties:

Please do your own research on the herbs, there may be additional metaphysical properties that I haven't listed.

Lemon: longevity, purification, energy
Mint: healing, protection, refresh
Lavender: sleep, protection, longevity, purification, happiness, peace, relaxation, calming nerves

Waffles, Ice Cream and Spirit

I read somewhere, in an article about coping when a military spouse is deployed, that it is okay to have waffles and ice cream for dinner. So what does this mean? Because my spouse is gone, it's okay to not eat so good? It's okay to not care about my kids nutrition? Or even that maybe it's the only thing that tastes good, so nah.

Well, while I wouldn't put complete truths into anything but that last one (my healthy cooking always tastes good!), the truth of the matter is, it's okay not to get everything done. It's okay to be mellow. It's okay to take a day or two during the week and not feel the need to prepare a hot dinner that takes an hour or so to make (that's the norm when I cook). Hey, this statement doesn't even stop at food. It's okay not to have the house white glove clean. It's okay to skip the vacuuming for just one day (or two or three). What about the laundry. As long as everyone has something clean to wear, it will still be there tomorrow.

Who is watching this Martha Stewart life I'm attempting to create for myself? I have yet to catch my neighbors peering into my house through the grime on the windows. The friends I do have who come over don't seem to mind, and if they do, they keep their mouth shut. I've even had friends come over and help me out a bit with the cleaning (thanks guys, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!). Sometimes I need to be given permission not to be perfect (far from it I am!). If you ask my husband, he will tell you I am perfect the way I am, even if I do think I have flaws (I do), he looks right past them.

While I don't want to live in a pig pen, I also don't want to spend all of my life cleaning my house or caring about those little things that really don't matter in the end. I want to spend my time with the things that do matter. I want to play with my kids, read the great words written by others, explore my hobbies and talents, try new things and just enjoy life. If you spend all of your time worrying about what other people think of your house, even though the majority of them will never see it, that seems to be a waste of time and a hard knock on the spirit.

I say, recognize when a day just needs to be a lazy day and run with it. If that means waffles and ice cream for dinner, then it's waffles and ice cream for dinner. I'm sure your spirit will thank you.

Listen With Your Eyes, Ears and Heart

Listening is an important value to me, it is also one I struggle with daily. While I do my best to listen to my children, other people I am in a conversation with, listening to myself (my body, my intuition, my conscience), and listening to the Divine; I often have trouble giving my full attention to any one of these areas because another area is always speaking at the same time. If you've ever seen the movie Bruce Almighty, it reminds me of the scene where Jim Carrey hears all of the prayers of people in the area all at once, and he is unable to concentrate on the people he is with, his own thoughts or even single any one of those prayers out. A one on one conversation is easy to give full attention to, but start adding additional "voices" to the mix and it can quickly become a jumbled mess.

When multitasking listening skills, it is easy to miss out on so many important details; body language to help with the full story, and hidden messages written between the lines. I'm one of those people who have a hard time slowing down to truly appreciate these important details, but I'm getting better at it. One thing I am thankful for is that I don't have a cell phone tying me down. I'm not saying that having a cell phone is bad, however I have yet to go out to run an errand and not see some one talking or texting while their kids are trying to tell them something. While a child's words may not always be important (sometimes they are very much!) the attention we give them is. I find that I really must emphasize here that just because I observe someone on a cell phone does not mean that they are on it all the time, or that they miss messages all the time. I appreciate that what I observe may be a one time deal, or an emergency, but we can't deny that not every person on a cell phone is doing so because it's an emergency. Being able to put the cell phone down, helps us reduce just one more distraction.

I am not perfect, I do not claim to be, I have my issues too. I may not have a cell phone, but my downfall is my computer. When I am home I am either blogging, keeping up with friends on the dreaded Facebook or doing homework. While I do spend time gathering homeschooling materials for my kids, I know I need to shut this dang computer down and go play with them. Luckily this post spoke to me, and through the writing of this I have shut down the computer to play with the kids. Which is why it has taken me a week to write it!

Speaking of my kids, I remember one story in particular. Life with a brand new baby and a toddler, who wasn't even two years old yet. I cannot tell you how amazing my older daughter is. She adjusted to life with a new sister extremely well. She wanted attention, but she shared her Mommy and Daddy gracefully. This only made it that much easier to give the baby all of the attention she needed...which, of course, led us to give a bit less attention to our toddler who was used to getting 100% attention from us. On one particular day my toddler was giving me hints that she wanted more attention. She was trying to climb in my lap while the baby was eating, she kept bringing me toys so I could see how great they were, she was pulling on my arm, poking at my leg and every attempt for attention was met with "that's great honey, as soon as the baby is done *eating, changing diaper, putting down for nap, burping, bathing, etc* then I'll have some special time with you. Finally she couldn't take it any more. She stepped back and let out one solitary, forceful, scream at me. It wasn't a temper tantrum, it was the only way she knew how to express her frustration with me and it surprised both of us. It seemed like she hadn't expected to do it, she just opened her mouth and out it came. That was the message I needed, I felt horrible for pushing her away. I put the baby down and ignored the crying to pick up my toddler to hug, kiss and comfort her. She only wanted a snuggle to let her know she was still loved. When we don't listen to the little messages often we will be given a big message to make the point.

In the case of kids, if you listen to them, I've found they are a lot more well behaved (this is not a fool proof plan though, kids will always have their moments). This message of listening also plays into other areas. If you listen to your body, it will give you signs of when it needs attention. There will always be little signs of stress to head off before you blow up. Mother nature gives us signs about how we are treating out world. If we don't listen to the little stuff, the big stuff starts coming out of the woodwork as it builds up. There is always something to listen for. Learning how to pick out what is important is a hard part of this that I'm struggling with, but I'm getting better. Maybe part of this is building intuition. Part of it could be getting priorities straight in life. A big part of it is being okay with letting go of the multitasking part of our lives and taking the time to reflect on ourselves, our families, our friends and our Spirit.

Grounding and Prayer Circle

I've mentioned once or twice before that I have a friend who is fighting cancer. She is in an acceptance stage, but the acceptance is in the terms of "everyone dies sometime, no one gets out alive." I respect her for taking the news and communicating it to friends and family so gracefully, however I don't want her to give in too easily.

Weekly a group of spiritual friends are gathering at my house to send prayers and energies to our friend with a focus on energy that is needed. Another of our friends has looked cancer in the eyes and kicked it's ass to the curb, so I am leaning on her to help guide us to a focus that will be most beneficial based on our friends unique needs. Our first circle was held last night, and the focus was grounding.

I've never been a good prayer writer, other than my own casual prayers I say daily, so I did a bit of searching. I was unable to find any Pagan prayers that met our needs, so I found some prayers from other religions and reworded them to fit our focus. I have included my adapted prayers below. Once we called the quarters we began the circle with a guided meditation for grounding. I felt this was appropriate, because how can you you send someone else grounded energy if you are not grounded yourself. Again, I am not good at writing meditations, so I used this Tree of Life Meditation after a search online.

Our circle went well, and I hope we can continue sending positive, supportive, beneficial energies to her when she needs them. We plan on her being here for a long time, and won't give in without a strong fight!

Prayers:

Earth my body, water my blood, 
Air my breath and Fire my spirit
We welcome the elements of the directions, we thank you for your presense as we send our healing and grounding energies to our spirit sister, (insert name here). Hail and Welcome.
~Altered from well known Pagan chant to a specific focus quarter call.

*************

Goddess Mother
Nuturer
Healer
We come to you seeking help
Help to rid of these nasty cells
they have forgotten what their purpose is
they have lost their health
restore the health
destroy the sickness
heal
Find the healthy cells
Find them and guide them
Guide them to destroy the sick cells
Put chaos in it's place.
Remove it from this body
Remove it from the cells
Help the body heal
This we ask of you, Mother
So mote it be.
~by Luna Skye

*************

Lord and Lady, You invite all who are burdened to come to you. Allow Your healing Hand to heal our dearest (insert name here). Touch her soul with Your compassion and help to keep her grounded and strong. Touch her heart with Your courage and infinite Love. Touch her mind with Your Wisdom and inspirational breath. Most loving Heart of the Divine, bring health in body and spirit to (insert name here) as she fights this great battle to reclaim her body. Touch gently this life which you have impressed you message upon, now and forever.
Blessed Be.

*************

Lord and Lady, look upon our friend, our sister, (insert name here), with eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon her, may your life giving powers flow into every cell of her body and into the depths of her soul, cleansing, purifying, grounding and restoring her to wholeness and strength. Blessed Be.

************

Nurturing Mother and Healing Father, by the power of your love, drive away from (insert name here) all forms of sickness and disease. Restore strength and stability to her body and joy and grounding to her spirit. Bless her with your masterful touch as she has touched many with the love you have graced her life with.
Blessed Be.

What About the Pagan Values Project

This is a new concept to me. While I've been a casual, personal blogger for a few years, I've never been active in the blogging communities. I'm slowly breaking in by reading some blogs and reaching out and commenting. Putting my thoughts out there, challenging opinions and being challenged right back. The philosopher in me is in heaven. Recently I heard about the Pagan Values Project. I did a little investigating and found that this is the third year from the project. I also found while there are many people who have embraced this project as a great discussion forum to share beliefs and opinions, challenge their own thoughts and inspire others, there is a population of people who disagree with the project and feel it's intent is to put a border around "Pagan Values" and define what "Pagans" should believe. I personally do not believe this is the intent of the project at all.

To me, this project is about communication. Communication is a personal value of my own, and I also think this is a value of every religion and spiritual path in some way or another. As my own personal value, I look at communication the way to help others understand each other. Whether that be understanding what we need done, how to work together, expectations, expressing feelings; we need communication and this is why I value it so highly. There is an art to communication, sometimes simple as in communicating our basic needs, other times more complicated, such as communicating how depression affects us. As a value held by religions and spiritual paths, communication may be the value people use to identify with communicating with the Divine. Through prayer, ritual, meditation, observation, or any other method. We communicate with the Divine to express our needs, our gratitude, our love, our desires, our celebrations and any other connection we make with the Divine. To me, this project is a great example of a value held by many, Pagan or not. Communication is just one value this project promotes, but there are other such as community, differences, tolerance, Deity and many more.

I do not expect that every Pagan conforms to every value another Pagan has. Rather I look at values as belonging on a continuum. At one end is where a person finds little value to the attribute, on the other end is where a person finds great value to the attribute. There will be some values that many, if not all, Pagans identify with. I do not think that there should be a boundary placed around these values, but it is a great starting place to help answer the question of "what do Pagan's believe?" I also acknowledge that because we are not placing boundaries around what "Pagan Values" are, it means we know that we are ever evolving. There will always be growth, and this project helps to promote this growth, both on a personal, individual level, as well as growth among the Pagan community itself. Personal growth is another value that I hold higher up on the continuum of values, and I'm sure there are many people who feel the same way.

Defining values as belonging to "Pagans" or "Christians" is another argument I've noticed as I browsed through some discussions of values. My view on this is that a value by definition is an attribute or belief held by a specific culture. There is Pagan culture and there is Christian culture, as well as hundreds of other religions who have their own culture also. When someone identifies something as "XXXX Value" it does not mean they are laying ownership to that value, only that it is found within a grouping of values held by many of that culture. This means that the same value can overlap among several different religions or spiritual paths. It is important to understand this designation because there may be some values that are shared, but some values that are not shared. This is just another way to categorize things. For the blogging world, you might compare it to tagging. One blog post may be tagged with 1, 2 and 3. And the next tagged with 2, 4, and 6. Both blogs hold the tag of 2, but the other tags are a difference between them. It doesn't mean one is better than the other, just that there are similarities and differences. This is another value I hold, celebrating the similarities and differences among all people. Multiculturalism is a great thing and it is being more widely accepted everyday.

These are just a few of my points supporting this project and I think it will be a great forum for discussion to build and celebrate our similarities and differences.

Bright Blessings,
~Ava

Little By Little

There is a song on the kids radio station that I hear frequently. It's called Little by Little, by Dean Jones and Jerrice Baptiste. The song is about a little bird building a nest, little by little. For a kids song, this image has a lot of meaning to me. There are so many things in my life that I want right now. When I was a kid I didn't want to practice piano, I wanted to be able to play it correctly right now. As I got older I didn't want to waste my time gaining valuable experience to better myself at my work in order to be promoted, I figured I was good enough now and wanted a promotion now.

Now, now, now, NOW!

Through meditations, experiences and just taking time to slow down a bit from the fast pace of life I have learned that maybe this little by little theory is right. Little by little I learn how to live and implement a healthy life so I can lose the extra pounds I put on slowly. I put the weight on slowly, why should I expect to lose it fast? Little by little I am getting my house clean and organized. While much of my mess happened slowly (the tornado damaged caused by my whirlwind children is a rather quick mess), I can't expect to get it clean and organized quickly.

The same concept goes for building a strong relationship with the Divine and cleaning up any emotional or spiritual messes. It will happen if you work diligently, little by little. I have lived by the concept for a long time that we need to build a relationship with the Divine. You can't expect to sit down and pray once and know all the messages and ins and outs of the Divine just like that. It takes time, little by little we get to know the Divine and how messages are sent to us, how prayers are answered (sometimes by being unanswered) and how we can spread love and compassion wherever we go. This isn't something that we will suddenly know, it takes practice and work.

As we get to know the Divine and build a relationship, we can start to clean up those emotional and spiritual messes that occur through our lives. Don't worry, everyone has them. Everyone's "mess" is a bit different, but it can all be sorted out, fixed and cleaned up through the Spirit. Please note, that sometimes the spiritual message is to get help from a third party...the Divine will help those who help themselves! These messes come in the form of guilt, depression, jealousy, hurt, sometimes even love and kindness can create a mess, believe it or not. While spirituality is not the only path to healing these "messes", for a spiritual person, it is a great place to start.

However, never forget that lesson of the little bird. Little by little.

Blessings,
~Ava

Some Gave All...

Happy Memorial Day! It is amazingly windy today, I hope the weather is wonderful where you are. So many people take today to get together with family and friends and grill out! It is after all a day off work. I, on the other hand, have every day "off", or maybe more appropriately, I never get a day off. I guess it's all in the perspective of how you view a stay at home mother. I spent the day playing with the kids, enjoying every minute, however in the back of my head I was cursing the Dr, library and diaper service for not being there today when I needed to call (I'm one of those "I have to address issues immediately or they pile up on the back burner" type people). Part of the day I spent attempting to do homework and fielding phone calls for organizational components of a massive healing energy operation we have going on for a friend of mine. And the last part of the day was spent at my sisters house for an impromptu taco night. Let's just say there was no rest for me this Memorial Day, and I'm fine with that.

My husband has been in the military for ten years now. We are on his second deployment and I miss him greatly. He did not get the day off either, nor did any of the thousands of troops overseas defending our freedoms. It is because of his sacrifice I was given the opportunity to be a stay at home mom. Because of his sacrifice I am able to take a year and earn my Masters degree. It is because of his sacrifice that I love him more and more every day. For him to give up the freedom of days off, the freedom to be with his family daily, the freedom to grill in his backyard with family and friends; he has given all of this up for his country and all of the people in it. My husband does an amazing job and I love him beyond words. This Memorial Day I celebrated the many freedoms I have that my husband made possible. Not just my husband, but every soldier out there past and present.

Thank you for your service. It is greatly appreciated!
~Ava

Healing With Prayer Shawls

Tonight I will be joining efforts with a friend of mine to create prayer shawls for a mutual friend of ours who has been diagnosed with cancer. We will be creating two beautiful shawls from the book The Prayer Shawl Ministry: Reaching Those in Need which tells the story of the Prayer Shawl Ministry from Grace Presbyterian Church in Arkansas.

There are a few things that I like to do when I create shawls and blankets for others.

1. I always say a prayer before I begin. This is sometimes done with a lit candle, sometimes it is not, depends on the situation, time, etc.

2. I cannot work on the shawl if I feel any negativity at all. While working on it is peaceful and puts me in a better mood, I do not want to risk putting any of that negativity into the work. Therefore, a positive demeanor is essential.

3. I like to meditate on the purpose of the shawl and who it is for, sometimes doing a chant quietly to myself while creating.

4. Colors are important in the creation process. I try to match a color that is right for the individual and the purpose.

Those are the main points I follow. It is important for me to focus on the person who will receive the shawl and put as many positive energies into the shawl as possible. I look forward to working on the shawls tonight. I am hopeful that we are able to create them quickly so they may be used as soon as possible.

Brightest Blessings!
~Ava

Altruism Journal: Babysitting For Free

The other day I watched a very hyper, energetic little boy for a high school classmate of mine that I haven't seen in over a decade. She had a need, I had the means to meet that need...why wouldn't I watch him for her. Sure he needs a lot of attention, but what little three year old doesn't :) I was appalled when I heard he had been kicked out of his preschool a few weeks ago due to getting too many "write ups" or whatever term they use, and this baffled me. He's three, I understand the need to protect other children, but this kid is three and pretty dang well behaved from what I discovered while watching him. I have lost my faith in many of the organized day care's around here, having had a poor experience myself, I now advocate for in home nannies. We had a wonderful service that 99% of the time had a wonderful nanny come to our home to give our girls one on one attention, and this attention is showing through their abilities, manners and so many more developmental ways (the bad nanny experience was that the specific nanny didn't show up at all for a very poor reason, and was immediately terminated from the service due to this incident). I have shared this information with this old classmate, and I know it's pricey, but I hope she is able to take advantage of it. If not, I hope that she is able to find a suitable day care that is willing to provide the attention her little one needs. Again I emphasize, I don't know what happened at this day care, but I am amazed that such a great kid could be kicked out. I'm willing to watch him again if she needs it, it sounds like he had fun while he was here.

The True Strength of a Circle

These days I really find great symbolism in shapes. While a circle may not be the most architecturally strong (it comes close, but the triangle is the strongest), in the spiritual world it holds to be the strongest for me. I could write about the symbol of my wedding band, the circle of life, the wheel of the year; while these are extremely important symbols in my life, it is the image of a circle of people that has inspired me to write on this topic. Two very meaningful situations has come up in the past week for me, and those are the stories I would like to tell you about today.

When I place these situations in a visual form, I see two concentric circles. Depending on the emotions involved, the circles may be spinning clockwise, counterclockwise or one of each. The inner circle is the one that is closest to me in proximity of these two stories, and that is my spiritual circle. Not too long ago, depression took over my life. So many things going wrong (from my depressed perspective), post-partum depression, and it all was getting worse and worse over the past 3 years. Finally I couldn't take the stress of the emotions any more and I had to remove myself from positions of leadership, this included my leadership role of my healing circle. It was not fair to me to allow the stress of leading and organizing bring me down any further, and it was not fair to the members to have me leading in a very poor state of mind. It was best for us all for me to step back until I was in a better place. This, of course, did not mean I was stepping away for good, nor that I was rejecting any friendships I had made. I was not, and thankfully my close friends stayed close. Fast forward six months and I am doing much, much better, and this couldn't have come soon enough. A close friend whom I distanced myself from due to not being able to handle the conflict we found ourselves in has been diagnosed with cancer. This friend is also the the full owner of that healing circle I once co-owned with her. The circle has been quiet, with friends keeping up with each other but no activity. This ended as soon as news reached me that she was in need of prayer, support and energy. I sent out a message to all of the members who were active at the time I stepped down from the group to let them know I would be hosting a healing circle. I was sure I would get response of prayers, but the response I received from people saying they would attend and help organize some healing projects was tremendous. This is a true spiritual circle. It may become dormant, but no matter the conflict or friendship status, surrounding a friend in need with full force, no matter what, that is the definition of a healing circle.

I described the concentric circles before. That was the circle that was closest to the center, and a few weeks ago I would have told you it was moving counterclockwise. That motion came to a screeching halt and is now full force clockwise being as productive as ever. Our first meeting for shared energies (in the same room) will be scheduled for next Saturday night at 8:30p CST for anyone who wants to join. If you are interested in joining in on distance shared energies, another member quickly scheduled a 9pm CST daily prayer timeframe for her. Please join us in lighting a candle, meditating or praying for our dear friend, that the cancer is healed and her spirit stays high during this difficult time.

Now for that outer circle, the group of people who aren't quite so close to me in proximity, many whom I've never met, but they are touching my life just the same. This circle, from my perspective, moves between counterclockwise and clockwise a bit more sporadically. It is mainly determined by the media articles and Facebook threads I read. This is the circle of support from other Pagans when religious tolerance toward Paganism is not being practiced. The story starts on Facebook with my curiosity getting the best of me. A suggest page came up to me, and I clicked on it. From that day on my life has been touched. I want to send a thank you to Confessions of a Pagan Soccer Mom. Mr's B, it was your Facebook page that inspired this portion of my post here. Mr's B, has great information on her blog, and I was really getting inspired to explore more into nature and my own personal beliefs. One day recently she announced that her blog was selected for the Top 25 Faith blogs on Circle of Mom's, and here is where the magic really starts. In this contest different blogs from any faith are nominated as one of the top 25 faith blogs by moms. Anyone can go in and vote for the blog, or blogs, they find to be the most deserving of this online status. Mrs. B was nominated as well as several blogs by people of many faiths. I didn't go on to vote until I read that there were many people from other faiths being negative about the presence of Pagan blogs in the contest, stating they did not feel they were following a legitimate faith and did not want to be rated side by side. This really started when Mrs B's blog was gaining ground in the contest. The reason I started voting wasn't as a camaraderie of support for the Pagan blogs, however many in the Pagan community did go show their support this way. I started voting after I read a snark comment by one of the other faith blogs, which soon after was met with a flood of comments by both Pagan and other faiths. At this time the blog author posted an apology acknowledging the true meaning of their faith and wished Mrs B luck. At the point where I seen that change in demeanor, that is where I knew this contest was making a difference. This is the point where I found the counterclockwise circle changing directions and even my disappointment was met with hope. I started voting, not just for Pagan blogs, but for blogs of any faith that holds a strong message of faith, true faith and love. Soon after, Mr's B posted another link to a wonderful blog post by Julie, addressing her change of heart for Paganism. While she admits she does not have to agree with Paganism, her faith tells her to love thy neighbor, no matter what, and this is what she has done. Her blog post was flooded with loving comments from people of different faiths, but specifically many Pagans. I took the time to send a personal email thanking her for wonderful words, and received an even greater message back. From here I believe I have made a new friend. Because of her words I hope that she is touching the hearts and minds of many who are uneducated about the true meaning of Paganism. This is an amazing circle, growing everyday, hopefully to include peace and everyone in the world. Thanks to Mr's B, Circle of Moms and Julie, I feel my outer circle is spinning just as fast and smooth as my inner circle.

I am feeling pretty good right now. I still have fears and worry in my mind, but I have love, support and strength in my heart. Thanks to my friends, family and strangers (who won't be strangers for long) who touch my life.

Brightest Blessings,
Ava

Exploring Agnosticism

I've heard the term Agnostic a few times lately and I'll admit, I didn't know much about what people meant when they claim this viewpoint on religion, so I did a little reading. The basic gist of Agnostic is that deity is unknowable, therefore there is no belief of or against deity. Currently I'm in the process of exploring my own personal beliefs so I took some time to contemplate if I fit into this category of beliefs. Quickly I determined I do not. I have great respect for this viewpoint as it makes a lot of sense to me. Especially since I hold a lot of weight on academics and logic. However, I also have a strong spiritual and emotional side. While I do believe deity is unknowable in a scientific measuring system, I don't want to remove personal measuring. One view I picked up from Universal Eclectic Wicca, is the idea of UPG, unverified personal gnosis. This is the idea that we can all have our own personal experiences with the divine which make them true to us, but not anyone else. If I receive a message through meditation or in nature, and it really speaks to me, giving me inspiration or altering the beliefs I currently hold, this is UPG. It doesn't affect anyone but me, however it is extremely meaningful and true for myself. Because I believe in UPG and the ability for the divine to speak to me through the emotional and spiritual self, I know there is deity, it may not be in any form describable by human means, but the divine is there and the divine speaks to me. I am inspired by the messages I receive, both big and small. Therefore, I am not agnostic.

On a side note. For all you philosophers out there, I know this post opens up a lot of questions. There are always a lot of questions when religious views and proof of deity come up. However, one question I might do a bit of thinking and philosophical research on is where I bring up the physical, spiritual and emotional self. Some people might even say there is an intellectual self. Can there really be more than one "self." Isn't this all one big make up of one person? Should a person be separated into more than one self? Does that take away a person's identity? Is it nonsense to talk in this way? Dang philosophy, so many questions and so many answers. This should be a fun area to explore sometime. I really hope I have time to come back to it!

Melancholy

Well, today marks the first day of a new 7 month journey. It started out pretty flat; less emotional that I had expected, and currently has me in a state of melancholy. I dropped off my husband at the airport today and won't see him until sometime around Thanksgiving again.

Depression has many emotions, really I find it is the normal emotions amplified, at least that's how I feel with it. However, today is a very flat emotion. I find tears running down my face on occasion, but I don't have a lot of strong emotions behind them. I'm not frustrated, I feel calm, but I don't feel happy. I'm in a state of contemplation and meditation, which is probably something I need.

I am looking at the many things I have going on for myself, and thinking about how to stay busy in the least stressful way. My margin of error is very small on either side of the stress variable, meaning I get stressed if I'm too busy, and I get stressed if I'm not busy enough. When the margin is small, I have little room for error and usually I find myself hitting one stressful side and overcompensating and throwing myself into the other realm. I really need to utilize the schedule I was originally going to set up for myself a few months back, maybe now a detailed schedule would help me out a bit more.

I'll also be trying to get more involved in some local, positive, healthy lifestyle groups to see if that helps. I find I'm lacking a positive support system (I do have some awesome people taking care of me, you guys are my positives!). I hope getting more involved with this group will help keep my motivation up for losing weight, and get me some additional support and relaxation I need.

It's been a great two weeks having my husband home. Now I'm just going to sit and relax for the day. I don't have anything planned other than homework, so I'm not going to let this day get to me. I'll just keep moving and get some things done, that should help quite a bit.

Blessings on a new beginning,
Ava

Joy and Death

Last night America surprisingly received the news that Osama Bin Laden was dead. This news met me with mixed emotions. Here I was happy that so many people are finally receiving some sort of closure for the horrible actions he masterminded (although there is some arguments suggesting he was not behind the terrorist attacks on 9/11). However, I cannot help but reflect on my own personal morals. Is death by another's hand ever really moral? Even considering the horrendous acts committed by his direction? This is in regard to official violence, which refers to the acceptance by society on violence directed by authority which is stated to have a benefit to society. Am I for or against this type of violence? It's hard to say, there are so many angles, it is not a clear cut dilemma. I do not like conflict, but I recognize it exists and I know it has to be addressed. I also know that we need to defend ourselves from the uncontrollable action of others, both personally and as a society.

One thing I do feel is that celebration upon a death is not right. I acknowledge the significance of the death of Osama Bin Laden, and I have announced it publicly, with a slight corner of my mouth turned up. However, along with my announcement I also directed to another important point, the war is not over. This statement means a lot of things to different people. It means there is still war. There is still fighting. There is still death. It also can mean that we are one step closer to the end, and also, that step is bringing closure and "justice" to many other people who lost their lives or lost loved ones in the attack.

Many other people are celebrating. They are adding an element of joy and celebration to this death that bothers me. People are glorifying this death, and treating it as a war trophy, which it is not. It is not a trophy for a person to pull a trigger and willingly kill another, no matter which side of the fight they are on. It may be considered a necessary action, which I do not deny, however that person may have emotional stressors about this for the rest of their life. Not to mention all of the troops who have been emotionally and physically scarred through the last ten years of fighting. This death is not one to be celebrated. It was necessary and it is done. It is time to acknowledge the significance and move on to healing our loved ones and continue to protect ourselves, while moving on to the next defense strategy.

With mixed emotions, I wish blessings on all those affected by war...that would be every person living and dead. Bright blessings on a hope for a peaceful future, may our actions have the results we are working so strongly and courageously for, with few ill effects.

Ava

Les Miserables

My husband and I went to see Les Miserables the other night. It is an amazing show, and I still have the book by Victor Hugo on my shelf quietly calling to me to read; if only I could find the time. We were running late for the show, and of course it put me in one of my own miserable moods. I spent the money on a show, and the seats weren't where I thought they were, now we're running late and all of these negative things were all my fault. Miserable, miserable, miserable! Yet, here I was spending time with my husband and having the chance to go to a show I absolutely love, with music I love, in a gorgeous theater...yet all I could think about was how miserable I was. Depression does magical things, just not magical in the direction I want. (That would be an important note about magic, it is neither good nor bad, but it does reflect the energy you put into it).

At the show I was very much in tune with my miserable point of view, and I think this sort of helped. I really wanted to follow the story line, and I was also very focused on the stories of the characters and what made them miserable. The story shows how some people life seems to start miserable and ends much better, how some can start off as happy an end up miserable, and there are those who spend their whole life miserable because they are hiding from life and those who are chasing things that take over their life making them miserable. Compared to the stories of the characters, my life is not near as miserable as those in the story, and actually I am living the American Dream, that so many people came to this country to achieve. I have a family who truly loves me, we have "enough" money (and really money doesn't equate to happiness), and I have more education than anyone could really ask for, really it's just sprinkles on the sundae.

Watching Les Miserables did help put my life into perspective, and I hope I can start looking on the brighter side of life.

Blessings,
Ava

Overjoyed!!

Received news today that is going to offer me relief, at least for a short while. My husband is coming home for 2 weeks! I have high hopes that this will relieve a lot of stress and help me get a much needed break from the girls, as well as spend a lot of quality family time. I know this is going to be like a spa date, without the spa...but it will sure feel like it! I'm ready for this time of renewal. A house blessing will be done in the next 2 weeks, much relaxation and love to be shared among us all. As well as a ballerina birthday party to be planned!

I know you're not here yet, but welcome home honey, you have been missed by many in so many ways :)

Even the Small Things Count: Altruism Journal

I want to make sure I get a good start on this journal. It is something I really want to keep up on, but I have a history of starting strong on things and fizzling out. I do not want this to fizzle! I want to build the momentum and keep it up!

It is important to note that when doing acts of kindness, many of the things we do will be small, but may have a big affect. Also, it is a good thing to keep an open mind to who the receiver of the altruistic act will be, it may not be another person, it could be Mother Earth, an animal, a plant, or even yourself. With that said, here are a couple of notable acts of kindness I took part in today.

I did sixty minutes of cardio today (twenty of it at higher resistance/ramp levels), and while I did this I watched a movie I had yet to see, and took a good break from the kids. Lots of little things going on here. First of all, cardio, I was kind to my body by working to get it into better shape! I want to be healthy, and I'm slowly working on it. I know a lot of what I need to do, it's just a matter of doing it. Today was good for that. Next, taking a break from the kids and watching a good movie was good for my stress levels and mental health. I'm going to be a much better person when I take time out of a busy chaotic lifestyle to do things for me. Today I succeeded and I did notice the results. To throw one more little one in there, I wiped down my machine when I was done. Not only is this good to do because touching someone else sweaty machine is gross, but it also helps to stop the spread of germs which I may have been carrying.

Here's to being kind to me today!
~Ava

Reclaiming the Positive

I am in dire need of a positivity makeover! My normally sunny disposition has been overrun with rainclouds and an occasional tornado. Yep, destruction has been in my wake, and that's not really a good sign since the majority of the people I associate with anymore are those who are closest to me.

This week in class we've been discussing prosocial behavior and aggression, two opposites, but they have a lot to do with each other. Just through the readings and discussions I've felt a strong pull toward getting my positive life back. I found the website Random Acts of Kindness Foundation to be extremely helpful in guiding my focus back to where it needs to be. I'm going to make a challenge for myself to really start focusing on the kindness of others as well as my own kind acts to help bring me back into a better state of mind. Part of that challenge will be to blog at least once a week about my experiences. I'm going to set this goal for one month, and extend and/or adjust from there.

I really want to get my life back together, and an important part of that has been my positive, optimistic attitude. I miss it, and I'm eager to help it find it's way back to me through a record of altruistic acts.

Stay positive everyone!
~Ava

Taking a Social Inventory

Ok, I've taken a quick inventory of my social circles and found that, well, I really don't have a lot of friends. I have a few close friends (love you guys), but other than that I found that I have a lot of people around me who are only friends when they have something cute to say on Facebook. I've reached out to multiple people in the military circle, the spiritual circle and some of my old work circles and I've found that everyone says they want to get together with me or help me out, but when it comes down to it, when I ask them, they don't have time and dismiss the subject immediately.

Please don't feel like this is a pity party post. It is not. I understand that I have high standards for my friends, so not everyone will fit into the mold of people I want to hang out with, in other words I don't like drama or negativity and avoid those things like the plague. I also understand that I need to get myself out there more, however, this is partially where the seeking out help and not getting it comes in, so it makes it difficult to break into new circles (again, thank you to my wonderful friends who do help when they can!).

Part of my spirituality is looking at life and finding the messages the Divine sends to me. I am a little hurt that my attempts to reach those who have called themselves friends isn't getting me anywhere, but it doesn't hurt me as much as lessor offensive things have hurt me in the past. This could be maturity and experience shining it's bright beautiful face here. It could be because I'm too dang busy to notice any other feelings. Maybe my depression is muting the feelings. Or, the answer I'm really leaning towards, maybe it's time for a change. Maybe this is my spiritual message saying it's time to go with the flow and the tide is moving out. I've gotten a little too comfortable and a change may spark some new energy. I have very little tying me down, and this realization about my circle of friends (which to be honest, isn't much different now than it has been; I'm just now noticing it), might be a message that it's time to pick up and find something new. I may as well let the spiritual tide take me where I need to be.

One thing I know about myself is I love routine, but I don't love it so much that I have to have it all the time. Maybe the best definition is a chaotic routine. I love having a general idea of what I'm going to be doing, and I can get comfortable for a few years, but then I'm ready to move on. When I left my college town and moved here, I felt like it was the best thing I ever could have done. The changes and experiences I had were amazing and taught me a lot. I think now I'm ready to move on again; the problem is when and where?

If we were to move on to another place, we have at least two potential routes to guide us, my husbands military career and my Masters degree once it's completed. I guess I could throw a third option in there and say my PhD should I decide to take that on. The thought of leaving doesn't bother me, I think I've done what I can here and moving on may be the best bet.

***Now, as a quick analysis my post, I notice it is guided a lot by emotion and water. I also notice a bit of grounding being needed. Passion and intellect are peeking their heads in, but I think I need to focus on Earth and Water for a bit and see what messages they have for me. The elements are friends that will always be there, and for that I am eternally grateful :)

Welcoming Spring With Open Arms

It has been a long winter and the first of spring couldn't come fast enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I love winter for what it is and the life it supports, but I'm happy to get back to weather where I don't have to layer my children in clothing until they can no longer bend at the elbows and knees, and where I don't have to give myself a pep talk just to take the trash out or get the mail...yes, it gets bitterly cold here!

I was out of town visiting family yesterday so I missed the actual equinox which occurred yesterday evening, so I'll do a bit of celebrating today. Tonight I will be welcoming spring back with a few pastel colored candles and a bit of Spring meditation. I think I'll take myself into an open meadow of tall, soft grasses with a multitude of fragrant flower randomly scattered among the scene. I know I'll find a a little creek, clear water and smooth stones of varying sizes giving the water flow a natural beauty and personality. I'll find a little clearing and have a conversation with my spirit guide. I need to find a bit of balance in my life, now would be a great time for that conversation.

Welcome Spring! I am enjoying your return and thinking of Persephone. Lighting a candle in her honor.

How Will I Celebrate St. Patricks Day?

I have never been much of a holiday celebrator, I'm also am not much of a drinker. For those who know me, unless I'm expecting pictures to be taken, I rarely do much in the way of fashion and I've never eaten corned beef and cabbage. Why on Earth would I find this holiday important enough to write about? Well, it's because it's a holiday I have split feelings about.

This holiday is celebrated by millions of people, mainly for the good food, beverage and friends; but I would guess that not many people know exactly what this holiday is about, other than celebrating St. Patrick. Any holiday that starts with Saint, is going to be a Catholic holiday. Right there, that shows it's not in my realm of holidays, however I do celebrate a lot of holidays that aren't in my religion, such as I celebrate both November Eve and Halloween (same day, different holiday). I also celebrate Christmas for the family gathering, and Winter Solstice for my religious celebration. I'm okay with pulling from different traditions, I just want to know what they are all about first.

As I mentioned, St. Patricks day is a religious holiday, believe it or not. It celebrates the day St. Patrick died, not because he was bad, but because people wanted to remember him. I did a bit of research to see if my "common" knowledge on the subject was an accurate depiction of St Patrick, and it was. St Patrick was best known for returning to Ireland with a duel mission, both to teach the Christians who were already there and to convert the Pagans. This is where my indifference with the holiday begins to wane. I have never believed in converting people to any religion, no matter how long ago it happened. We are losing a lot of powerfully spiritual minority religions through the practice of converting others, and this is a practice I have a hard time finding a reason to celebrate.***

I hate to be a downer and refuse to celebrate a holiday that so many do for commercialized reasons; bringing the truth out just stops people for a moment then they return to their beer and laughs. I want to find a reason to celebrate this holiday, while feeling as though I'm addressing the issue I have against the holiday. As I've learned through social psychology, this is my attempt to work through the cognitive dissonance of the situation. I want to celebrate something I find appalling to celebrate. This is my answer to this conundrum.

While I typically take no part in the festivities of this particular holiday, I'm not saying I never will; this is the commercialized part of the holiday I have no issues with. The celebratory part I will add for religious purposes is to design a ritual promoting the diversity among religions and the harmony that can be created between them. Celebrating that which has been knocked down in the past is an appropriate way I feel I can add meaning to what appears to be a demeaning holiday.

***information regarding the origins of this holiday obtained from history.com: http://www.history.com/topics/who-was-saint-patrick

Accepting My Spirituality for What It Is

In 1998 I picked up my first book about Wicca. Actually, my then boyfriend, now husband placed it in my hands. We were both young, teenagers, and there was something about this religion that seemed to be right; however no matter how much I read in the books I found, I never found the spiritual depth I was looking for. For years I considered myself Pagan, but never identified as Wiccan, it just didn't seem right at the time. I went on with my study, making notes, keeping records, seeking out others with similar beliefs, but I still couldn't figure out what the missing piece was.

In 2003, I found the missing piece. It was academic study through Coven of the Far Flung Net (CFFN), the online course for Universal Eclectic Wicca (UEW). This was it. The people were well read and knowledgeable. No one here was anywhere close to fluffy, and concepts were detailed with a deeper discussion rather than skimming the surface as many texts do. I found my calling, finally I felt comfortable wearing the label of Wiccan. It was after this I read both of Scott Cunninghams books Guide for the Solitary Practitioner again, and realized these were the books that had the information I was looking for all along, I just needed it detailed for me first to open my eyes to realize what Wicca was all about.

I completed second circle with UEW, and I've strongly considered completing third circle, which is a great undertaking. With everything that has happened recently in my life, all good things, mind you; I know I do not have the time to do this, and I am glad I did not start this process as planned. Sometimes things in life happen for a reason, those gut instincts you follow, and you're glad you did because they pointed you in a direction that was beyond what you ever would have thought. Well, after some years and many spiritual experiences and practice, I have determined I am no longer Wiccan. Does this matter? Is it something the community should coming running after me begging me not to leave. Absolutely not.

One of the wonderful things I have found about following a Pagan path, is it grows with you. At this time the religion of Wicca has served me well. It has strengthened my values and deepened my beliefs. It has helped me understand the direction I want to go and what I want to gain from a religion. At this time, my journey as a follower of the Wiccan path is over, but my time learning from the Wiccan path will continue. I know there are concepts, and symbols and knowledge I will continue to carry with me, and there are many things I will continue to learn from my Wiccan friends and authors. For now, I am returning to a general category of Eclectic Pagan, and I am happy with that. I am eager to see where this new decision takes me. What new practices I will develop and what great new people I will meet. By removing myself from the specific religion of Wicca, I feel this will open up my creative flow and help me tune my practices to be more of my own and get in touch with my spiritual self more. I feel good about this decision, and I know it is right for me at this time.

A New Identity?

A novel, a story, a drama, a comedy; whatever the style my life exemplifies it. I don't claim to have a life worthy of millions gawking over for years and years, I don't even plan to make it into the history books. I am making my own history, and who knows, maybe my family will find some great pearls of wisdom in accomplishments I've managed. I'm not perfect, and I still have a lot to learn; stumbling along the way. This is good. It means I'm accepting what life has in store for me and realizing I can make it mine and do what I want with it. That's what all the good writing instructors say, isn't it? Make it your own and run with it!

At this point in the story of my life, I feel like I'm starting out on a new chapter. Some may call this a rite of passage; in a way, it is. I've decided on a spiritual name, and it only took me 13 years to find it. No one ever said these names come easily, and I tried for years to find the perfect fit for me, but no matter what I tried, nothing "felt right." The other day while driving home a name came to me. It was perfect, it fit so much symbolism in my life. Ava Stone. It is perfect, it has a nice sound. It doesn't sound forced like many of the names I hear from people who put a lot less thought in. It is not generic, and it would even be something I would consider legally changing my name to (but I won't).

Starting a new chapter in my life feels good. I feel like it is time to make some changes, and some of them may be tough. It is often the way we handle the tough choices in life that help to define our character, and I like to think I have a pretty darn good character.

Welcome to my life Ava Stone, I look forward to seeing what we can do for each other. I have a feeling this is going to be a great chapter!