For those of you who know me personally, you know I'm working towards a Masters degree in Psychology. If you know this, you probably also know I am a stay at home mom, I am the spouse of a currently deployed soldier and I am at wits end with my Statistics "professor." All of these things equal out to STRESS!! I'm not naive enough to think I'm the only one with stress, or that I'm the only one in my type of situation with stress, or that there isn't some one (many someone's) out there with more stress than me...I know all of these things are true. However, knowing they are true for other people does not reduce the fact that my stress is there for me and it is my responsibility to diffuse it somehow. Ah, the old self responsibility value, going strong here, maybe a little too strong as I try to take responsibility for everything imaginable that comes to me, lol.
This past week has been a nightmare, not the worst nightmare I've ever had, but enough to catch me with a short fuse, and unfortunately those in closest proximity get the worst of the explosion (I can't apoligize to my children enough! We've talked about how wrong Mommy has been for the way she has acted and I vowed to find a new way to express my frustration; a lesson I talk with my children a lot about when it comes to tantrums...I throw big ones too). So, here's the deal, with the high level of stress, it makes the small things seem to be mountains, and the only thing I'm hearing is "you can't do this!!" However, that's my voice and no one else's, in fact, everyone else is screaming with confidence "YOU CAN DO THIS!!!" Goes to show you how easy it is to hear things when they are close, this is another reason why self responsibility is so important! The more I've told myself "I can't" the more I've believed myself and the more down I've gotten. The more down I've gotten, the more the stress builds (all that pressure coming down on my shoulders), the more the stress builds the more I find things wrong in every situation, and the more I find things wrong in every situation the more negative I get...and you see where this horrible cycle is going.
How on earth am I going to get myself out of this cycle!! Well for starters, let's see what I can do about stress. Is there anything I can remove from my life? *looks around room, checks day planner, mental inventory of activities* No, nothing I can remove. Since I can't remove anything I need to do something about organizing and managing it better. If anything I need to add more things to my planner. What's that you say? Am I crazy? An already full planner causing immense amounts of stress and you want to add things! Yep. I guess I am crazy. I never denied that, however, I promise you, what I'm going to add will actually save me time and sanity. What I need to add is a little something people refer to as "me time." Yep, you heard me right. I need to squeeze some time in every day to do what I want to do. This me time cannot include Facebook or pointless games. I suppose blogging will be okay, but it can't be about anything but something I WANT to write about, and it can't be negative (which I try not to be). Once I add in some me time, I should find that I am happier and more productive. This will be a huge stress reliever. Both because it will give me a chance to relax and also because it will make me more productive, which means getting more of the clutter cleared out (mental, emotional and physical).
In other words, I need to refocus my energy on the positive and not the negative. Here is one way I am doing that. Remember that Statistics professor I mentioned? He hasn't been a good teacher, and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, that maybe, just maybe something is going on in his life causing this. So, rather than my perception of him get me down and let it affect me, I'm going to do the best I can with what I have. Therefore, I'm going to work my butt off and still get an A in the class, even if he doesn't help me out with it! Now, this plan is a little late since I'm on finals week for the class, but it's a lesson learned. Refocus the energy from a negative to a positive. I built up so much energy worried about what he was going to do, that I failed to put just as much or more energy into what I was actually doing. This is how people and situations can consume you if you let them. Take control of your life and don't let other people lead you around by the ear. You are responsible for you. I'll be practicing refocusing my energy, I hope you'll give it a try too if you need it.
Brightest Blessings,
~Ava
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