Taking a Social Inventory

Ok, I've taken a quick inventory of my social circles and found that, well, I really don't have a lot of friends. I have a few close friends (love you guys), but other than that I found that I have a lot of people around me who are only friends when they have something cute to say on Facebook. I've reached out to multiple people in the military circle, the spiritual circle and some of my old work circles and I've found that everyone says they want to get together with me or help me out, but when it comes down to it, when I ask them, they don't have time and dismiss the subject immediately.

Please don't feel like this is a pity party post. It is not. I understand that I have high standards for my friends, so not everyone will fit into the mold of people I want to hang out with, in other words I don't like drama or negativity and avoid those things like the plague. I also understand that I need to get myself out there more, however, this is partially where the seeking out help and not getting it comes in, so it makes it difficult to break into new circles (again, thank you to my wonderful friends who do help when they can!).

Part of my spirituality is looking at life and finding the messages the Divine sends to me. I am a little hurt that my attempts to reach those who have called themselves friends isn't getting me anywhere, but it doesn't hurt me as much as lessor offensive things have hurt me in the past. This could be maturity and experience shining it's bright beautiful face here. It could be because I'm too dang busy to notice any other feelings. Maybe my depression is muting the feelings. Or, the answer I'm really leaning towards, maybe it's time for a change. Maybe this is my spiritual message saying it's time to go with the flow and the tide is moving out. I've gotten a little too comfortable and a change may spark some new energy. I have very little tying me down, and this realization about my circle of friends (which to be honest, isn't much different now than it has been; I'm just now noticing it), might be a message that it's time to pick up and find something new. I may as well let the spiritual tide take me where I need to be.

One thing I know about myself is I love routine, but I don't love it so much that I have to have it all the time. Maybe the best definition is a chaotic routine. I love having a general idea of what I'm going to be doing, and I can get comfortable for a few years, but then I'm ready to move on. When I left my college town and moved here, I felt like it was the best thing I ever could have done. The changes and experiences I had were amazing and taught me a lot. I think now I'm ready to move on again; the problem is when and where?

If we were to move on to another place, we have at least two potential routes to guide us, my husbands military career and my Masters degree once it's completed. I guess I could throw a third option in there and say my PhD should I decide to take that on. The thought of leaving doesn't bother me, I think I've done what I can here and moving on may be the best bet.

***Now, as a quick analysis my post, I notice it is guided a lot by emotion and water. I also notice a bit of grounding being needed. Passion and intellect are peeking their heads in, but I think I need to focus on Earth and Water for a bit and see what messages they have for me. The elements are friends that will always be there, and for that I am eternally grateful :)

Welcoming Spring With Open Arms

It has been a long winter and the first of spring couldn't come fast enough for me. Don't get me wrong, I love winter for what it is and the life it supports, but I'm happy to get back to weather where I don't have to layer my children in clothing until they can no longer bend at the elbows and knees, and where I don't have to give myself a pep talk just to take the trash out or get the mail...yes, it gets bitterly cold here!

I was out of town visiting family yesterday so I missed the actual equinox which occurred yesterday evening, so I'll do a bit of celebrating today. Tonight I will be welcoming spring back with a few pastel colored candles and a bit of Spring meditation. I think I'll take myself into an open meadow of tall, soft grasses with a multitude of fragrant flower randomly scattered among the scene. I know I'll find a a little creek, clear water and smooth stones of varying sizes giving the water flow a natural beauty and personality. I'll find a little clearing and have a conversation with my spirit guide. I need to find a bit of balance in my life, now would be a great time for that conversation.

Welcome Spring! I am enjoying your return and thinking of Persephone. Lighting a candle in her honor.

How Will I Celebrate St. Patricks Day?

I have never been much of a holiday celebrator, I'm also am not much of a drinker. For those who know me, unless I'm expecting pictures to be taken, I rarely do much in the way of fashion and I've never eaten corned beef and cabbage. Why on Earth would I find this holiday important enough to write about? Well, it's because it's a holiday I have split feelings about.

This holiday is celebrated by millions of people, mainly for the good food, beverage and friends; but I would guess that not many people know exactly what this holiday is about, other than celebrating St. Patrick. Any holiday that starts with Saint, is going to be a Catholic holiday. Right there, that shows it's not in my realm of holidays, however I do celebrate a lot of holidays that aren't in my religion, such as I celebrate both November Eve and Halloween (same day, different holiday). I also celebrate Christmas for the family gathering, and Winter Solstice for my religious celebration. I'm okay with pulling from different traditions, I just want to know what they are all about first.

As I mentioned, St. Patricks day is a religious holiday, believe it or not. It celebrates the day St. Patrick died, not because he was bad, but because people wanted to remember him. I did a bit of research to see if my "common" knowledge on the subject was an accurate depiction of St Patrick, and it was. St Patrick was best known for returning to Ireland with a duel mission, both to teach the Christians who were already there and to convert the Pagans. This is where my indifference with the holiday begins to wane. I have never believed in converting people to any religion, no matter how long ago it happened. We are losing a lot of powerfully spiritual minority religions through the practice of converting others, and this is a practice I have a hard time finding a reason to celebrate.***

I hate to be a downer and refuse to celebrate a holiday that so many do for commercialized reasons; bringing the truth out just stops people for a moment then they return to their beer and laughs. I want to find a reason to celebrate this holiday, while feeling as though I'm addressing the issue I have against the holiday. As I've learned through social psychology, this is my attempt to work through the cognitive dissonance of the situation. I want to celebrate something I find appalling to celebrate. This is my answer to this conundrum.

While I typically take no part in the festivities of this particular holiday, I'm not saying I never will; this is the commercialized part of the holiday I have no issues with. The celebratory part I will add for religious purposes is to design a ritual promoting the diversity among religions and the harmony that can be created between them. Celebrating that which has been knocked down in the past is an appropriate way I feel I can add meaning to what appears to be a demeaning holiday.

***information regarding the origins of this holiday obtained from history.com: http://www.history.com/topics/who-was-saint-patrick

Accepting My Spirituality for What It Is

In 1998 I picked up my first book about Wicca. Actually, my then boyfriend, now husband placed it in my hands. We were both young, teenagers, and there was something about this religion that seemed to be right; however no matter how much I read in the books I found, I never found the spiritual depth I was looking for. For years I considered myself Pagan, but never identified as Wiccan, it just didn't seem right at the time. I went on with my study, making notes, keeping records, seeking out others with similar beliefs, but I still couldn't figure out what the missing piece was.

In 2003, I found the missing piece. It was academic study through Coven of the Far Flung Net (CFFN), the online course for Universal Eclectic Wicca (UEW). This was it. The people were well read and knowledgeable. No one here was anywhere close to fluffy, and concepts were detailed with a deeper discussion rather than skimming the surface as many texts do. I found my calling, finally I felt comfortable wearing the label of Wiccan. It was after this I read both of Scott Cunninghams books Guide for the Solitary Practitioner again, and realized these were the books that had the information I was looking for all along, I just needed it detailed for me first to open my eyes to realize what Wicca was all about.

I completed second circle with UEW, and I've strongly considered completing third circle, which is a great undertaking. With everything that has happened recently in my life, all good things, mind you; I know I do not have the time to do this, and I am glad I did not start this process as planned. Sometimes things in life happen for a reason, those gut instincts you follow, and you're glad you did because they pointed you in a direction that was beyond what you ever would have thought. Well, after some years and many spiritual experiences and practice, I have determined I am no longer Wiccan. Does this matter? Is it something the community should coming running after me begging me not to leave. Absolutely not.

One of the wonderful things I have found about following a Pagan path, is it grows with you. At this time the religion of Wicca has served me well. It has strengthened my values and deepened my beliefs. It has helped me understand the direction I want to go and what I want to gain from a religion. At this time, my journey as a follower of the Wiccan path is over, but my time learning from the Wiccan path will continue. I know there are concepts, and symbols and knowledge I will continue to carry with me, and there are many things I will continue to learn from my Wiccan friends and authors. For now, I am returning to a general category of Eclectic Pagan, and I am happy with that. I am eager to see where this new decision takes me. What new practices I will develop and what great new people I will meet. By removing myself from the specific religion of Wicca, I feel this will open up my creative flow and help me tune my practices to be more of my own and get in touch with my spiritual self more. I feel good about this decision, and I know it is right for me at this time.