In 1998 I picked up my first book about Wicca. Actually, my then boyfriend, now husband placed it in my hands. We were both young, teenagers, and there was something about this religion that seemed to be right; however no matter how much I read in the books I found, I never found the spiritual depth I was looking for. For years I considered myself Pagan, but never identified as Wiccan, it just didn't seem right at the time. I went on with my study, making notes, keeping records, seeking out others with similar beliefs, but I still couldn't figure out what the missing piece was.
In 2003, I found the missing piece. It was academic study through Coven of the Far Flung Net (CFFN), the online course for Universal Eclectic Wicca (UEW). This was it. The people were well read and knowledgeable. No one here was anywhere close to fluffy, and concepts were detailed with a deeper discussion rather than skimming the surface as many texts do. I found my calling, finally I felt comfortable wearing the label of Wiccan. It was after this I read both of Scott Cunninghams books Guide for the Solitary Practitioner again, and realized these were the books that had the information I was looking for all along, I just needed it detailed for me first to open my eyes to realize what Wicca was all about.
I completed second circle with UEW, and I've strongly considered completing third circle, which is a great undertaking. With everything that has happened recently in my life, all good things, mind you; I know I do not have the time to do this, and I am glad I did not start this process as planned. Sometimes things in life happen for a reason, those gut instincts you follow, and you're glad you did because they pointed you in a direction that was beyond what you ever would have thought. Well, after some years and many spiritual experiences and practice, I have determined I am no longer Wiccan. Does this matter? Is it something the community should coming running after me begging me not to leave. Absolutely not.
One of the wonderful things I have found about following a Pagan path, is it grows with you. At this time the religion of Wicca has served me well. It has strengthened my values and deepened my beliefs. It has helped me understand the direction I want to go and what I want to gain from a religion. At this time, my journey as a follower of the Wiccan path is over, but my time learning from the Wiccan path will continue. I know there are concepts, and symbols and knowledge I will continue to carry with me, and there are many things I will continue to learn from my Wiccan friends and authors. For now, I am returning to a general category of Eclectic Pagan, and I am happy with that. I am eager to see where this new decision takes me. What new practices I will develop and what great new people I will meet. By removing myself from the specific religion of Wicca, I feel this will open up my creative flow and help me tune my practices to be more of my own and get in touch with my spiritual self more. I feel good about this decision, and I know it is right for me at this time.
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