Ok, I've taken a quick inventory of my social circles and found that, well, I really don't have a lot of friends. I have a few close friends (love you guys), but other than that I found that I have a lot of people around me who are only friends when they have something cute to say on Facebook. I've reached out to multiple people in the military circle, the spiritual circle and some of my old work circles and I've found that everyone says they want to get together with me or help me out, but when it comes down to it, when I ask them, they don't have time and dismiss the subject immediately.
Please don't feel like this is a pity party post. It is not. I understand that I have high standards for my friends, so not everyone will fit into the mold of people I want to hang out with, in other words I don't like drama or negativity and avoid those things like the plague. I also understand that I need to get myself out there more, however, this is partially where the seeking out help and not getting it comes in, so it makes it difficult to break into new circles (again, thank you to my wonderful friends who do help when they can!).
Part of my spirituality is looking at life and finding the messages the Divine sends to me. I am a little hurt that my attempts to reach those who have called themselves friends isn't getting me anywhere, but it doesn't hurt me as much as lessor offensive things have hurt me in the past. This could be maturity and experience shining it's bright beautiful face here. It could be because I'm too dang busy to notice any other feelings. Maybe my depression is muting the feelings. Or, the answer I'm really leaning towards, maybe it's time for a change. Maybe this is my spiritual message saying it's time to go with the flow and the tide is moving out. I've gotten a little too comfortable and a change may spark some new energy. I have very little tying me down, and this realization about my circle of friends (which to be honest, isn't much different now than it has been; I'm just now noticing it), might be a message that it's time to pick up and find something new. I may as well let the spiritual tide take me where I need to be.
One thing I know about myself is I love routine, but I don't love it so much that I have to have it all the time. Maybe the best definition is a chaotic routine. I love having a general idea of what I'm going to be doing, and I can get comfortable for a few years, but then I'm ready to move on. When I left my college town and moved here, I felt like it was the best thing I ever could have done. The changes and experiences I had were amazing and taught me a lot. I think now I'm ready to move on again; the problem is when and where?
If we were to move on to another place, we have at least two potential routes to guide us, my husbands military career and my Masters degree once it's completed. I guess I could throw a third option in there and say my PhD should I decide to take that on. The thought of leaving doesn't bother me, I think I've done what I can here and moving on may be the best bet.
***Now, as a quick analysis my post, I notice it is guided a lot by emotion and water. I also notice a bit of grounding being needed. Passion and intellect are peeking their heads in, but I think I need to focus on Earth and Water for a bit and see what messages they have for me. The elements are friends that will always be there, and for that I am eternally grateful :)
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