Well, today marks the first day of a new 7 month journey. It started out pretty flat; less emotional that I had expected, and currently has me in a state of melancholy. I dropped off my husband at the airport today and won't see him until sometime around Thanksgiving again.
Depression has many emotions, really I find it is the normal emotions amplified, at least that's how I feel with it. However, today is a very flat emotion. I find tears running down my face on occasion, but I don't have a lot of strong emotions behind them. I'm not frustrated, I feel calm, but I don't feel happy. I'm in a state of contemplation and meditation, which is probably something I need.
I am looking at the many things I have going on for myself, and thinking about how to stay busy in the least stressful way. My margin of error is very small on either side of the stress variable, meaning I get stressed if I'm too busy, and I get stressed if I'm not busy enough. When the margin is small, I have little room for error and usually I find myself hitting one stressful side and overcompensating and throwing myself into the other realm. I really need to utilize the schedule I was originally going to set up for myself a few months back, maybe now a detailed schedule would help me out a bit more.
I'll also be trying to get more involved in some local, positive, healthy lifestyle groups to see if that helps. I find I'm lacking a positive support system (I do have some awesome people taking care of me, you guys are my positives!). I hope getting more involved with this group will help keep my motivation up for losing weight, and get me some additional support and relaxation I need.
It's been a great two weeks having my husband home. Now I'm just going to sit and relax for the day. I don't have anything planned other than homework, so I'm not going to let this day get to me. I'll just keep moving and get some things done, that should help quite a bit.
Blessings on a new beginning,
Ava
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